Let me dump my thoughts on you.
All the time Hermana Fardos HAS in the mission is how much I LACK. Which is weird. I`m not even trunky... but it just scares me because I have yet to have an Ammon-Alma-Sons of Mosiah Missionary impact here. Liiiikkkkee..... I am trying my hardest, loving even hearder and learning a TON. So it´s not so much like ``¿Was this good enough to be worth it?`` because, DUH, it´s the greatest choice I have yet made in my life on earth and the one that already I can see will have the grandest impact on my eternity.
But at this moment I am feeling like. . . small... I guess.
I mean I guess I am pulling an "Alma" and wishing I was a grand angel that greatly inpacted this land of Lamanite descendentes fo the beter instead of just some sweaty young adult dirtbag willing to try to do Gods will, yet still learning the ropes on this whole discerning all the things the Spirit urges. Sometimes being a grain of sand on the beach you wonder if you´re adding to the scenery and I kind of feel like that.
They say on your mission some reap and some sow and , if you are LUCKY, you do both. (Depende de lo que DIOS quiere y tiene preparado para SUS hijos,... No de TUS esfuerzos, no de TU fe, no de TU habilidad de enseñar claramente... Todo depende de Dios y el Albedrio de Sus Hijos) .
She understands, She doesn´t comprehend.
There is no fomula: If you do this or if you work THIS hard or if you pray THIS much or If you have THIS much faith.... You will see THIS result
The only Fomula is Faith and Obedience.
The only SURE thing, is if I stop, then it is SURE not to go forth. . . and if I go forward, then SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, SOMETIME.... I am contributing.
I know this to be true.
At the Very VERY least I have continually been becoming more and more converted myself. (Which to ME is no small thing at all)
I sure hope I have helped someone else too (and will yet help more).... but at the very least, I helped myself
and you but your bottom dollar that I am not a seed that easily dries up the first sign of sun. I am in the sun ALL DAY and I am still going strong! (this is literal and metaphoric)
The seed of my OWN testimony has grown past recognition to what it was 1 year and 1 month ago and that is Enough for me. I will keep offering this to anyone who will LOOK and LIVE....
and then my time will be up in This Feild.... (but I will ALWAYS be a missionary)
And I will forevermore have and meticulously care for my Own Seed- And thats the best part about seeds... You can count how many seeds are in a fruit, but you can not count how many fruits will come from one seed.
I had a hard week. We had a particularly hard experience. I will spare details, but basically we prayed for guidance and help in a trying situation that we did not want to have to face. We wanted to either not face it, or at the very least have an adult member there to help us... In the end, The impression came that we were going to have to do EXACTLY what we did not want to (confront a particularly stern Father and his wife and ask if he would give his consent to his son joining the Church of Jesus Christ) and that we were to do it alone.
We didn´t know what we were going to say. We put on our shoes and obeyed.
The outcome was EXACTLY what we did not hope for (No, Marcos would not be able to get the consent of his Father at this time. No, the family was not intterested to know if our message and this eternal promises were true. We were invited to not return.)
And it was probably one of the coolest moment of my life. I was WELL aware of the gravity of the situation. We knew (from prior rude remarks said in Guarani, but HEY! I speak Guarani!) how they felt about us. I recognize the miracle that it was to have even been let in the door. My spirit was awake and hypersensitive so that I would know what to say and boy, I listened. Although the end results were the same as they would have been had we gone in ready to contend, convince or plead, because of the guidance of the Spirit, that is not what took place. We invited, we taught and we testified.
And as we walked away, crushed.... My seed... my testimony... the Spirit... swelled inside me and looked up at the night sky.
Yeah, I wasnt super happy... yeah it still is the PITS to get rejected... No I am not going to lie and say some sort of Peace hit me... It SUCKED. BUT.... I realized that it doesnt matter how bad it sucks because the Gospel is TRUE!
And I said that out loud between sobs walking home on crooked empedrada streets... "It doesnt matter because it´s true."
The hurt of rejection. The pain of watching someone choose doubt over faith or tradition over hope... That is a real hurt. That is a real pain, but it doesnt matter, because the Gospel is true.
Thanks to the Gospel, I can drink the biter cup and look forward with HOPE! and LIGHT and FAITH!
It`s not happy that they dont get to enjoy all the blessing of the gospel right now, but hope is never lost. I know they are Gods children and that He hasnt given up on them. Thanks to the Gospel the pain is worth is because the JOY is reachable!
Accepting agency of others hard, but its part of the plan.
I know that when people CHOSE to live the Gospel, they will be blessed. I know that when people study the words of the Lord, His way will become clearer and Obideince ceases to be a chore and become a blessing of an unfailing guide to selfdominion and joy. Living a life based in the Gospel truths will bring the blessings and happiness and peace promised by God. I know it. I have had the HONOR to be the person who got to tell a few soulds this.... but its not my Gospel... It´s His. These are not promises I make to the people, they are promises HE has made to the WORLD!
At this moment All but 1 of my Converts are struggling (including my Bestfriend Fransisca de YbyYau)... I lost the priorly mentioned progresing investigator this wek and the one other con fecha, Mirtha, is still unsure if she wants to be baptized into the True Church and recieve a remission of sins and the companionship and guidance of the Holy Ghost
and it suffocates my heart with worry , frustration and saddness for them. I think "OH NO! maybe I didnt teach it clear enough or maybe ! could have or maybe i CAN do something more! I ned to do something to help them remember the way! I love these people and I want them to be happy and THIS is the way, the ONLY way, to lasting happiness! I should do something..." and I kind of get down on myself...
A misunderstanding of truth or a fear of comitting to live a true principle is the only explination...
I know this is God´s Church. It teaches Christ´s gospel and does so with His power and authority. Just because my dear friends are forrgetting their promises to God and more importantly His promises to them does not mean the Gospel stopped being true. It doesnt mean obedience to the Commandments stopped being the way to happiness. Those things do not change.
Gods promises do not change, but neither do our responsabilities.You cant stop praying and expect your faith to remain. You cant stop studying His word and expect your understanding to grow. You can´t stop partaking of the sacrament and expect to always have His Spirit to be with you. Just because you get sick of eating right and excersising doesnt mean you can stop and expect to stay healthy.
(D&C 130: 20 There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
21 And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.)
You can´t stop living the commandments of God and expect that His light to remain in your life and His Spirit to continue to comfort you.
You will lose His light and this comfort. These 2 things are the greatest gift I have. I love them. They make me happy, literally no matter what. I had the "worst week" and yet... Im like really happy because because of this "worst week" my testimony is stronger and... I am actually even happier. The more and more sure I become of the ressurectiong of Christ, the Restoration of His church and the Sureness of His eternal promises... the happier I am. Everything else in life is just really temporary and makes me stronger. I am Human (for now) and I breathe and bleed and cry and get down, but because I am fighting the good fight, all of these things will give me experience and be for my good.
Chose Faith, It makes you happy, NO MATTER WHAT!
It so crazy and yeah its hard sometimes, but... its the BEST choice you can make.
Chose to keep the commandments and LOVE them. They are so great! In them there really is safety and peace!
Chose the Right!
Chose to follow Jesus because He really is the Son of God.
That is my advice and I would just like to clarify that my motivation in inviting you all to do these things is that I know from experience propia that they will make you happy and I REALLY love you all and want you to be happy too.
I am happy and I am going to be happy forever as long as I keep keeping God´s commandments.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts.
My week was rough, but gave me experience and served for my good. hahaha
Please pray for my Converts to find strength to fight to good fight of faith!
Their names are:
Joana Godoy
Viviani Arevalos Alvarez and Anibal Alvarez (And their son Tobias)
Marcos Sanchez
Pascual Insaurraldte
Ana Arzamendia
Andrea Arzamendia
Analia Franco Valdez
Fransisca Vera (Also pray for her husband LORENZO and her son Joel)
Please also Pray from Mirtha Espinola. She is AMAZING and just needs to trust herself I think... but God knows better what she needs so pray that she can recieve whatever that is.
Also, Please pray from my ward. They have good intentions, we just ned better organization and execution. We also need to help our fellow members who have fallen off the path. Pray that we as a ward can do it.
Until Next week
-Hermana Valenzuela
p.s. There were changes but I just stay here (con Hermana Fardos). that means I will spend half my mission in MARIANO ROQUE ALONSO
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