My new Area is like... Crazy different from my last and its still costing me a little (lot-a) bit. Like... Weve got a ton of members and it freaks me out. The people speak spanish and not Guarani and... Thats weird for me still. Were in week 6 of our change so... well see if more change is coming or what.
My Comp is Hermana Bautista. Shes like if a weird potato came to life and went on a mission... and really I say that with love in my heart.
Were pushing through together at least
and now we dont like argue or anything... but life is really weird.
She has depression issues and I think they might be contageous. Everyone in her Family keeps dying and so I dont judge or blame her... but I dont know how to help cause all I do it crack jokes and sometimes I try to lighten the mood and it DOES NOT work. Example: The other day we were walking and I asked "whats the dumbest thing you´ve ever done?" and she replied "Hate my Dad til the day he died".
Another example
I shared a story about how one time Justiz and I accidentally dropped this Giant water balloon on the carpent in the living room at 3 in the morning!
(In Saltillo, Remember Z?)
She laughed and said one time the sink in her house broke and her mom (who is also now dead) blamed her and beat her. Then the plumber came and her Mom found out it was the pipe, not Hermana Bautista and felt bad.
Also her grandma died our first week together.
so......Its a really tough crowd Im living with. ALL DAY!
I´ve been like super stressed ... then I get stressed about being stressed and its awful.
Our District and Zone leaders dont help much either.
It was inevitable that I would miss my Chilenos and my "Santa" Santos, but... I was not prepared for such a... stiff group. Im trying to losen them up, but its tough and they bajar la caña a lot and stress numeros ... which makes me feel dumb.
but whatever.
My mission President said it sounds like maybe I have some symptoms of perfectionism so now I have to talk to a pychologist once a week. Crazy? Basically life is NUTS and apparently so am I... but all I can do is keep the faith, keep on fighting and pray like crazy!
But a pesar que todo esta Loco ahora, I love my mission. Seriously. THE BEST. Like... I am learning a TON and getting super close with Father in Heaven and relying on the Savior COMPLETELY for strength. I know I am recieving help because I could NOT do this alone. No way.
Maybe only fellow missionaries (Or RMs) could understand that EVERYTHING can be falling apart, but as long as youre giving it all you got and leaving the rest to Him, Missions are awesome and life is good
....HARD, but Good :)
All in All: The mission rocks and the beat goes on.
Dont really know what else to say.
but.... Thats my life and I miss you all and Im going crazy, but... I trust that Jesus can and wants to help so I just pray like... 24/7 and sing hymns and plead for help.
The Savior said He would lift our burdens. I trust in that promise and now I must let Him. It´s easy to trust in the Lord when everything is going your way, but there are times when the challenges and difficulties of life can leave us physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
Knowing where to turn is not enough; we must allow the Savior to rescue us.
In Matthew 14 when Pedro walks on water he experiences what I am talking about.
HE,Peter, was walking on water! Awesome, But then again He, PETER, WAS WALKING ON WATER and it freaked him out!
He saw the waves and the storm and began to lose faith that HE,Peter, could do this!
I don´t think his "little faith" was that he doubted in Christ´s magificence, I think that he began to doubt in himself.
and so... begining to sink he cried out: "Lord, Save me"
C.S. Lewis taught:
"Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief. You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?"
I am stressed. I am tired. I am worn. My heart is heavy. I can not do this anymore, at least, not on my own.
It´s time for the handcart to start pushing me.
I am now, more fully, practicing what I preach. I am trusting fully in Him.
I am grateful for this new, unexpected but very real emotional crisis because as I trust more fully in Him I have more opportunities to witness miracles. As I lean on Him, I have a chance to feel His support. As I look to Him for comfort, I find His love really is endless.
I trust Him.
I trust in His promises (1Ne 3:7).
I know I will soon be over this hill (and on to the next), with more experience which will allow me to testify with authenticity of His infinite love.
Well I am not sure if any of this made sense but I miss you all a TON and love you forever.
Thank you for your prayers on my behalf. They are heard.
I know they are heard. I am (Metaphorically speaking) walking on water and so, obviously I am getting a lot, a lot, a lot of help because I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WALK ON WATER!, but somehow, I´m doing this!
I´m on a mission! I am serving the Lord
(best I can)
day by day
Hermana Valenzuela
